I have started to be much more aware of the pitch of my voice

Magic

A friend asked me tonight about my magical practices. As she asked I realized that I haven't done any readings or magical sessions in ages. Then the conversation went to astrological signs. We go online to check out what the Love Signs are for her Aries sign. And there of course is also a description of the lesson of my sign, Scorpio, "Scorpio offers a lesson on sex, and how love is expressed through both passion and surrender." and then it dawns on me. Probably the last time I had dreamed or practiced magic was about the same time frame as when I stopped having sex. I realize that like magic is a crucial part of my soul, so is sex. For me the two are inseparable (I think I have posted about this before). Sex is a conductor of the magic. Sex breaks down the psychic walls that hinder the practice of magic. It allows me to ground. I mentioned that this period of my life is the longest I have ever gone without sex since I lost my virginity at 18. I have virtually always had a sexual partner in my life. Not that I have been a serial monogamist hopping from one guy to the next. Most of them were simply friends with which there was a chemical reaction but no romantic interest. I was able to form a spiritual and physical connection with men who held no romantic interest for me. Through the act of sex and physical bonding with them I kept my self grounded and connected to the greater mystery. Solo sex has never done it for me, I mean I can get physical release, but there is no feeling of connectedness with the universe like there is when I am with someone I have sex with. I propose that sex should not be "making love" but should be "making magic"!

And never do I feel the rise of magic and connectedness like when I am in my element of passion and surrender. I miss magic. I am adding to my wish list: I want magic.

i am looking for a master who will love the slave... ultimately i dream of having a master who will love the woman... a master who will love and cherish all of me... who will look at me and call be by name with the same adoration as he calls his slave... am i tragically romantic or crazy to want to be possessed body, soul and mind... i have been the possessed and the possessor... can i hope to find my Heathcliff, with out the tragic ending, or have i already lost that chance.. i year to be tamed, to be owned, and yet adored for my impishness and all the pleasure and pain it brings

in the kitchen

sometimes i just find myself standing somewhere random and suddenly the state of my life slams into me; physically i lose my breath and feel like i have been punched.  How easy it is to distract ones self from the day to day-ness of it all

i want

i want to find myself

i want to find my master

i want to find my home

i want to feel

i want to feel my own skin

i want to feel the touch of my master

i want community

i want to love

i want to be loved

i want to be free