i am looking for a master who will love the slave... ultimately i dream of having a master who will love the woman... a master who will love and cherish all of me... who will look at me and call be by name with the same adoration as he calls his slave... am i tragically romantic or crazy to want to be possessed body, soul and mind... i have been the possessed and the possessor... can i hope to find my Heathcliff, with out the tragic ending, or have i already lost that chance.. i year to be tamed, to be owned, and yet adored for my impishness and all the pleasure and pain it brings

in the kitchen

sometimes i just find myself standing somewhere random and suddenly the state of my life slams into me; physically i lose my breath and feel like i have been punched.  How easy it is to distract ones self from the day to day-ness of it all

i want

i want to find myself

i want to find my master

i want to find my home

i want to feel

i want to feel my own skin

i want to feel the touch of my master

i want community

i want to love

i want to be loved

i want to be free

218 days

It is so weird that I have made it this long and now, all these years of sleeping alone, now I can't sleep in my own bed. It has become a dumping ground for clean clothes. I am back on the couch. I am so tired of being this lonely and yet not being alone.