Waiting For The Miracle

(Leonard Cohen, co-written by Sharon Robinson)
Baby, I've been waiting,
I've been waiting night and day.
I didn't see the time,
I waited half my life away.
There were lots of invitations
and I know you sent me some,
but I was waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come.
I know you really loved me.
but, you see, my hands were tied.
I know it must have hurt you,
it must have hurt your pride
to have to stand beneath my window
with your bugle and your drum,
and me I'm up there waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come.

Ah I don't believe you'd like it,
You wouldn't like it here.
There ain't no entertainment
and the judgements are severe.
The Maestro says it's Mozart
but it sounds like bubble gum
when you're waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come.

Waiting for the miracle
There's nothing left to do.
I haven't been this happy
since the end of World War II.

Nothing left to do
when you know that you've been taken.
Nothing left to do
when you're begging for a crumb
Nothing left to do
when you've got to go on waiting
waiting for the miracle to come.

I dreamed about you, baby.
It was just the other night.
Most of you was naked
Ah but some of you was light.
The sands of time were falling
from your fingers and your thumb,
and you were waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come

Ah baby, let's get married,
we've been alone too long.
Let's be alone together.
Let's see if we're that strong.
Yeah let's do something crazy,
something absolutely wrong
while we're waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come.

Nothing left to do ...

When you've fallen on the highway
and you're lying in the rain,
and they ask you how you're doing
of course you'll say you can't complain --
If you're squeezed for information,
that's when you've got to play it dumb:
You just say you're out there waiting
for the miracle, for the miracle to come.

Parenthood

So, I have been having problems with my kid. She is so great in so many ways. She really is. She is genius smart and absolutely beautiful inside and out. Only, she has two really bad habits. One is she won't do her homework. Two is she lies about everything. And I mean everything. Even stuff she is just moments away from getting busted on, even when she knows she is busted. Her gut instinct is to lie lie and lie some more. I have taken away her cell phone, her TV privileges, her leaving the house privileges, every thing. Nothing seems to boost her in the right direction. So anyway, these two things are just the most indicative of some other worse stuff we were dealing with last year. And really, while it is scary and frustrating, the fact that she is generally a great kid means my trials are not all that traumatic in the grand sceme of things. She isn't pregnant or strung out on drugs. She just really really likes to not be where she should be and to lie about it and to take no resposibility for anything or anyone, including her own welfare. So this leads me to a messy situation for me. I feel like I need to have a way to call her and for her to call me. However, I feel like when she had her cell phone, she mostly used it to work out the details of being where she shouldn't be. She wasn't using it so I could know where she was, or for her to keep in contact for safety. No, she was using it to plot. It seems to make it so much easier for kids to keep track of eachother, not for us to keep track of the kids. They use them to arrange meeting, and generally not w/ the approval of the adults. They use them for private messages ie texting. Just sneek a peak at your kids texts some time. They will make you hyperventilate. Which leads me to consider http://wherifywireless.com/ its a GPS locator that also works as a cell phone. Only you can program who they can call and you can locate them on a map. Disney has something similar though its meant to be more of an entertainment system and Wherify is purely a functional unit. GPS w/ the ability to make phone calls. Am I being to paranoid? Would it totally crush my kid to have this physical proof that I don't trust her? I just don't know what to do anymore.

well....

I am re-reading "I'm Not the New Me" and it makes me wonder what it is that holds me back. How I have set up an existence that leaves me whith no one to talk to. And how I won't even help my self out and do this journal. Its not like anyone I actually know is going to be reading it. I guess if I was really concerned I would just make it private. Or maybe I like the idea that maybe, just maybe I won't be talking to myself. And even if I am only talking to my self I can still use it as a time to just write. I used to write. I certainly love to read the short story, the poem. The use of words to creat images and sights and smells. The use of language to shape the universe for a brief moment. Its what I would like to create. But, I would settle for a journal so that I make sure I haven't gone completely insane. Or, use it as evidence at my comitment hearing.

My MySpace -

One more way to try to keep an eye on my sweet baby. Now she will probably just run off and create a new one that I don't know about.... sigh.... its so hard to keep track of the kids these days. I worry and worry and can only hope that she is safe and well and that I have given her the skills to be strong and not get involved in dangerous activities.